Rhyme or Reason

    There comes a time in everyone's Life, where they wonder at their purpose and place in the Universe. Why are we here? And because we are here it stands to reason that we must be here for some purpose. Right? Maybe?

    All things seem to have some reason behind them. The sun rises and sets because of the turning of the Earth and it's position in the Heavens. This also effects the Seasons, giving us our cycles of Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter with their various types of Weather. Weather in itself is a combination of different factors. My point is, that everything as we know it, has a reason.

      Everything has a Name. This is what we call it. How we come to know a thing. 

        But what if, despite our perceptions of the World and Nature  around us, what if it wasn't all cut and dry. What if it just Is. Energies and Forces working together and against each other. The Rooster doesn't tell the Sun to Rise. The Moon may effect the Tides, but we can't command the Seas or make them still. 

      We Humans are capable of many things. Maybe our words can't change water flow, but we've built dams and canals. Irrigation. We changed the face of Mount Rushmore into literal faces of Stone. Our monuments and memorials cover the Earth. We wrapped it in cables to create the Internet that I'm sending this data through to bring to you. 

       I can't say with any certainty whether there is a Divine Plan, if our Lives follow a set Path, or if it's all just a matter of chance and our own decisions. Honestly, I'm not even really sure of the point I'm trying to make now.

    But I do know that whether I sleep or not, the dawn will still return. Nature continues to move around us, even as we move around and within it. I find myself at times to be so afraid of money that I don't want to check my bank account. I have so much debt that it's overwhelming. I want to shut down, and sometimes I wish I could stop existing all together. All over a piece of paper, or digital code. It's silly. So I'm going to just keep doing what I can. I'm going to push on. If there is a reason maybe someday it will be revealed. I will try and trust that everything will be ok.

    For a time I worked in a Home for the Elderly. It was heartbreaking. The State actually closed it some time after I left. One Resident was very depressive, and possibly had other issues. He would stay in bed all the time, though he could walk just fine. He refused to leave his room, even to go to the bathroom. As I attempted to care for this man, I wondered if I was looking at my own future. I refuse to Believe that. I will not let depression be the ruler of my Life.

     My Grandmother, I believe she died of a broken heart. Her son, my Uncle, died of Lung Cancer, and the final thing was that they put her in an Old Folks Home. She told me, 'If I ever go to one of those places, I'll die.' They sent her there and sold her house. My Grandmother loved her house. She took pride in keeping it clean and in shape. I watched the Light leave her. The Spark go out. She refused to eat. Her time here was over.

     I have two other relatives that are no longer here, and ended their time before it was truly over. Another of my Uncles hung himself when I was young. One of my cousins, only 16 years old, died the same way. 

     We all need something to Live for. Whether there is a Divine Purpose or Destiny or not. We all need to feel like there is a Reason for us to be Here.

     I would like to think that this Business is my Reason. I don't have any particular skills. I can clean. I can do basic things. But still I'm having trouble finding work. So I need to find my Reason. I can make things, even if they aren't perfect. I wish I had more money to invest in the Buisiness, but my debts and my current job have my hands tied. My Fight isn't over.

    I refuse to give up. I will turn my Will to Iron and Steel. To the Essence of the Earth. I will keep trying. Maybe I'll attempt a Go Fund Me. And even if now I don't have any money, that doesn't mean that I never will. Even if it takes a year or more, eventually I can work on building this Buisiness up again. 

    If I could have, I would've been making Christmas wreaths and those giant crocheted blankets over the last few weeks. My Grandma taught me a basic Crochet so I think it would be easy enough. And I've made wreaths before. I can make beautiful wreaths. Maybe next Winter, or the Winter after, when the debt relief is over.

     I read somewhere that Google Play is having a Settlement. When I was depressed I made lots of Google play purchases. It would be great if I could get some money from that and help pay my debts off. 

     With the debt relief and my situation at work, I'm having difficulty with paying my geothermal loan. I tried to add it to my debt relief program but they said they don't help with government loans. I'm still trying to find another job. I have an interview on Friday for a Remote Job doing Data Entry. I hope it goes well. It seems like all jobs anymore want you to have Experience. Well how can you get experience if no one will Hire you? I will do what I can and Hope for the Best. 

    At the very least, I hope my Story can help to inspire Others. Keep going, even if it feels hard, and even if the Reason is unclear. All will be well. Tell Yourself, I will have all that I need.

     I have decided to go back to Counciling. I have an appointment set for January 6th. It's closer to home than the last Counselor I saw. Things right now just feel too rough, too much, too overwhelming. I need help. When I first went to see the Councilor, I cried. I balled in the waiting room because I felt crazy. It's not crazy to seek Help. If anything, it's the most sane thing you can do. It's not cowardly or weak to reach out and admit that you are different or struggling.

     Things can change, and if they can't, and it's out of your control, then Live with the best that you've got, and make your own Light. In this crazy messed up world that we live in, we don't have to do it alone. If it seems like there is no Purpose or Reason, Keep Moving Forward, because there really is something to Live for. 

      Thank you for taking the Time to read this Blog, if you're still here. I Appreciate You. May Peace, Prosperity, Protection, and Happiness Be With You Always